36. For ‘the hope’ of each other
37. Glass sandals
38. Banana skin
39. As you get farther away from the sun you get cold, and as you get closer to the sun you become warm.
40. The Happiness of 10,000 won
36. FOR ‘THE HOPE’ OF EACH OTHER
The slogan of my church in this year of 2018 is ‘The year of hope and thanksgiving.’ Even though I’m so thankful to live with hope of ‘the Lord’ and ‘Heaven’, I’ve still had my personal hope of myself to fulfill. So I’ve prayed a sort of special conditional prayer with the mind of ‘Hope’ that I’ll surely fulfill in this year. I prayed to God earnestly while letting Him know in detail, all the wishes I’d longed for. It seemed those wishes would come true in this year, so I’ve prayed harder for that.
One Korean proverb says ‘It’s a rice cake in the picture.’ (It is the pie in the sky.) It means that even though we want to get something we can’t get it because it is not a real thing. The rice cake in the picture is not real so that it can’t make us experience delicious taste, be full and satisfied. Not achieving our ‘earnest wishes’ and just continuously dreaming would leave us disappointed and make us give up on them. I’ve also been praying for a long time while dreaming for my wishes to be fulfilled. I’ve sometimes been exhausted with endless efforts from waiting for the right time. So I prayed earnestly more than any time in tears.
I listened to Wednesday Service messages about ‘the hope and thanksgiving’ which connected to the previous Sunday Service messages. On my way back home, in a bus I prayed to God in my mind while remembering the message. I prayed for the ‘Spiritual wishes’ like my growth in Faith and the ideal change of my spirit as well as ‘Physical wishes’ such as the things I want to get and enjoy. In that moment, some thoughts came to my mind suddenly. ‘I can ask God to help me to achieve my hope, but who could fulfill God’s hope? Like the way I long for a lot of things God might have many things He wants and plans. God is the Absolute Deity who doesn’t have anyone to listen to. Then To Whom He would talk to about His will and plans?’ While I keep thinking about these things I focused on God’s heart and I felt sorrowful. I thought again. ‘Even the Eternal Omnipotent Deity has sole anxiety, an unique desire. That might be a desire that He wants to fulfill on this earth as He has planned. (Isn’t it?) God’s unique and earnest desire is the very thing. Only Those who love God on this earth can fulfill His Hope. I have a physical body so that I can preach the gospel and do the very things God wants as His Body!’
I got overwhelmed and confessed to God right away. ‘God~ You can fulfill my wishes and I can be the one who fulfills yours. I myself will pray earnestly that your plans will be fulfilled. I would regard your hope as mine and be the one who can make your hope be fulfilled.’
No other things can beat the pleasure and happiness of our dreams’ coming true. Fulfillment of big and small dreams gives us big power to lead our lives. Dreaming and making those dreams come true are hugely rewarding and true happiness. While I appreciate God’s listening to my prayers and His accomplishing them, I also made up my mind more to fulfill God’s Plans. I wish that I will become happier to accomplish ‘my hope’ and God also will be happier to fulfill all ‘His Plans.’
37. GLASS SANDALS
I noticed a pair of transparent glass sandals in a shop window on the street. Those sandals made me grin slightly~ and reminded me my childhood time. I was 8 years old in elementary school. Most girls like dolls and especially I loved Barbie dolls at that time. So every time I got some pocket money, I collected Barbie clothes and accessories. That led my treasure box to be filled with all kinds of barbie stuff. That’s one normal thing for a young girl who was fond of beautiful princess style. I couldn’t take my eyes off of those Barbie dresses, sandals and accessories whenever I passed by Barbie doll shops. As I got what I wanted one by one, I was extremely happy. Among the Barbie sandals I had, there was one pair of spangled transparent glass sandals. They were made of plastic, which looked like glass, so that they resembled glass sandals in fairy tales like Cinderella. Putting those glass sandals on my little palm, I was really happy looking them from every angle.
One day I had a thought of hoping to be princess and putting on the sandals. ‘Aha~ how amazing these sandals get bigger so that I could put them on! How terrific if that happens… Pray! The Lord will listen to any prayers I make.’ So I prayed after putting the glass sandals in front of one mosaic Jesus’ picture. “Lord~~ these sandals are so pretty. Can you make these sandals get bigger? I really want to put them on. You are omnipotent. Please make these bigger. I will pray until ‘certain’ date. On the following day when I get back from school, let that happen, please.”
I’ve prayed for almost one month. I prayed so eagerly that I got some sweat on my palms. The more I prayed the more conviction and expectation I had. After I prayed until that certain day I opened the door with big expectations as soon as I got back from school. At the moment I noticed the glass sandals which were placed in front of the picture of Jesus, and I fell down on the floor. Never! Not at all! Absolutely not! The sandals didn’t get bigger at all. I imagined that I made a smile putting those sandals on and twirling a long dress like a princess. I was so disappointed. I wondered why the omniscient Lord didn’t listen to my prayer. I was speechless with shock and disappointment for a long time.
When I consider that now, it’s adorable but it’s really nonsense. I remember one more thing related to my glass sandal happening. When I was in college I talked with one pal. She said all her family attended church eagerly once but they didn’t go to church and didn’t believe in God anymore. She said firmly she would not believe in a Deity. The reason was all her family prayed with tears for the mother who had cancer. However the prayers didn’t work and her mother passed away. I thought ‘God must have led her mother’s spirit to a better place as an answer to their prayers in the situation her physical body couldn’t survive.’
Even the omniscient God works within principles and natural laws. People just pray believing God would answer all their prayers unconditionally. If that doesn’t work, they got disappointed. Outwardly they are grownups and have a long history in their faith. However there are a lot of mentally immature believers. The prayers out of ignorance and out domain of God’s will can’t be fulfilled. Some prayers could be turned away for a better way. I felt pity that if we misunderstand God with blind faith and end up losing our faith. Now I can consider that even though my glass sandals couldn’t get bigger, God must have presented my spirit the same pretty glass sandals. In my place in heaven, aren’t my glass sandals shining brightly on my shoe cupboard?^^
38. BANANA SKIN
After cleaning up my whole place, I came out with the food trash. In the hallway to the elevator, there was a banana skin on the floor. It had turned dark brown and was broken into multiple pieces. ‘How could! What a nonsense person! How could he/she throw food trash like that way?’ I was upset with the person who enjoyed the banana and just threw it away without any manners. I was momentary distressed about picking it up or not and even annoyed why should I distress by someone. ‘What shall I do? Maybe a cleaning woman would pick this up.’ I got on the elevator after picking up that banana skin slightly with my thumb and index finger after hesitating several seconds. I didn’t feel good touching that slippery skin. The cold wind outside made my finger holding that banana skin freeze.
A food trash container opens its door when we put an exclusive-use card on it. Then we put the trash in it. And then it shows the weight and closes with one more card touch. The total monthly food weight is added to the monthly maintenance fee. I thought ‘Why should I pay for the one who throws food trash in the hallway with no manners and common sense?’ I put the card on the container and the door opened. I thought even this way ‘Why should I pay for the others by spending my money? Even though it costs just 10 or 20 won. I feel it’s a money loss.’ After thinking about what to do, I threw the banana skin and my trash in. I felt refreshed after throwing away my two handfuls of trash. No more trash odor. I felt much fresher after I cleaned my hands with water tissue from my bag. I realized something through this experience. ‘Ah, like the way I feel good when I take care of some trash which someone threw away I must feel worthy and pleasant when I repent for others’ sins instead of them. Even though those may not appreciate it their sins could be cleansed spiritually if I repent for their sins. Doing repentance prayer means moving away those sins.
The Lord repented for my sins, so that I can be forgiven.’ The Lord repented for all the sins I committed even without recognition so that I can be clean. I had a truly thankful mind when I realized that deeply.
There are so many people committing sins without recognizing them. ‘Sins’ are like food trash so that if you leave them where they are, odor, mold and worms would cover them. My mentor pastor said ‘Whether those people know it or not, you should pray to God for their sins.’ The word was about how valuable and big it is to pray for repentance in place of people. I’ve got an idea that righteous people’s prayer could make this world which full of sins clean.
Just throwing away one banana skin made me feel pleasant and worthy doing it. That’s the day I resolve my mind that I would pray earnestly for my family’s sins, brothers’ or sisters’ next to me and for all those who commit sins.
39. AS YOU GET FARTHER AWAY FROM THE SUN YOU GET COLD, AND AS YOU GET CLOSER TO THE SUN YOU BECOME WARM
For several days, I was so sick that I could not even sleep properly. I had been bothered my many things which had complicated my head and because my mind was uneasy, my body had become sick. I slept fitfully until I became exhausted and fell into sleep till the morning. Throughout the day I felt uncomfortable as if I had done my makeup with washing my face because I had greeted the morning without doing predawn prayer. I felt a sense of shame and the smile left my face at not doing predawn prayer and not calling God properly.
In order to wholly spend the day, I needed to meet God through first start of the day that is ‘the predawn prayer,’ but without being able charge my spiritual strength through predawn prayer, I continued to feel feeble and depressed. The rhythm of my body, my mind, and my faith had been broken along with the rhythm of prayer and daily life, This situation repeated for several days and I began to feel despair.
After being caught in a swamp of thought, I suddenly realized that I could not be like this any longer. I first cleared away my anxious mind while collecting my thoughts and then unwinded my stiff body through exercise. After recovering my mind and body’s condition to some extent, I awoke at dawn and prayed. When morning came, I felt so good and honorable in front of God. The hellish feeling of the past several days disappeared and a ‘feeling of heaven’ began to find me. Now that I was constantly calling God in my life, I was happy because he felt closer. Looking at this different and contrary figure of myself, I had these thoughts. ‘Oh, my actions can lead me to be both close and far to God. God is always in that place, treating me with unchanging love, But when I do not act properly, I get farther from God and cannot properly feel his love. When I could not pray properly, God felt so far away, But when I resumed praying properly, He felt so close by my side. As expected~ I am the problem! You feel cold the further you are from the sun and warmer the closer you are, In the same way, how I act towards God decides whether He feels close or far.’
In this world, there are many people who say, “There is no God.” However, God truly exists and has always been there. Those who do not believe in God ask, “How can you know whether God exists?” You can only experience the existence of God by searching, calling, and communicating with Him. To those who believe, call out, and communicate, He is a ‘living God,’ To those who do not believe, call out and communicate, He is a ‘dead God,’ and depending on your attitude towards God, your experience is different. In addition, even those who believe in and love God can feel as if he is not by their side. God is not existing in some moments and disappearing in others, But it is because of their actions that they feel as if God is sometimes by their side and other times not. God and the Lord are always in the same place with the same warm love. It is simply that the distance between us and God is decided by how much we call his name, seek him out and treat him closely.
I became aware of the fact that it can be extremely difficult if you do not communicate properly with God. Also, I deeply realized that the road to spending a wholesome day by receiving spiritual strength from God is ‘the predawn prayer,’ ‘Prayer’ is conversation and you become farther from God when you do not pray, so I resolved to pray and act with my whole being to always accompany God.
40. THE HAPPINESS OF 10,000 WON
Outside the church after the Wednesday Service, one friend (who is elder, we say ‘ Unni’ which means elder sister) called my name and came to me. “Hi~(Unni)” I greeted her pleasantly and she made a bright smile as she looked at me. Originally, she is really warm-hearted and always smiling brightly, and her smile made me feel even better. She said to me “You’ve done a great job all this time. It must be hard to paint and work for the Lord?” I just replied simply “well, yeah~” looking her face. She asked to me, “Hwabi~ Can you reach out your hand?” while she was trying to give me something from her pocket. I reached my hand close to her. She grabbed something from her pocket and put it onto my hand, and then made my hand clench swiftly. I opened up my hand to see what it was, it was a piece of a 10,000 won banknote. The ten thousand won bill was folded and folded back into a small square of about 3 to 4 cm.
She smiled brightly enough to have a half-moon-shaped eye and said to me. “You work so hard for the Lord that I want to do something for you, but I don’t have much. I’d like to give you more, but I’m sorry I can’t. It won’t be enough, but have some yummy snack when you get tired and exhausted.~” Suddenly tears welled up in my eyes. I knew that her financial situation wasn’t good. Even though I said I would receive only her mind, but not the money, she kept saying she’d really like to give it to me. So I said “Thank you! I’ll work harder while I’m having delicious snacks!” She added. “If the circumstances are okay with you later, try to make fairy tale books. I think it would be nice to have amazing fairy tales which make people love God. Try to paint and write wonderful stories also. I love fairy tale books.^^” I said, “Okay! I’ll keep in mind what you said! I like fairy tales, too.”
Even after I got back, my heart continued to be impressed. She was not one who was usually close to me, we just exchanged light greetings. She unexpectedly encouraged and cheered me up and I was both glad and surprised. I was excited, and as soon as I got home, I planned how to use the money. I did not usually consider 10,00 won to be a big money, but suddenly I felt like it’s a huge sum of money.I wrote down a list of my favorite snacks on the note. If I bought an expensive snack, I thought I would spend it all in one time, so I only thought of some cheaper snacks which cost several 100 won and several 1000 won. I was laughing at this situation and my actions while I was writing down those lists. I wondered why I felt so good. The reason why I felt happy was not because of ‘the 10,000 won itself’ which I considered not a big value, but because of her sincere heart which cheered me up. Moreover, if you receive an unexpected gift from someone you did not expect, the joy is greater and the happiness penetrates deeper when the heart is sincerely conveyed by the gift.
I bought a really wide range of snacks many times with the 10,000 won. I bought a lot of cheap and delicious snacks as if I was a kid. It was the first time for me to spend 10,000 won with such a pleasant plan. It was so sweet to draw with the candy in my mouth and I kept smiling with pleasure. Because of the ‘encouragement and love’ from her, which was sprinkled on the candy, sweets seemed to taste sweeter.^^