26. ‘Love Money’
27. My mother and a Castella cake
28. The lesson that I learned from the cherry blossom
29. A note thrown in the trash can
30. The king of individuality, The king of talents
26. ‘LOVE MONEY’
One Saturday afternoon, I had to babysit my niece for a short while because my older sister and brother-in-law needed to drop by somewhere. Even though we get together frequently as we live in the same neighborhood, meeting with my niece is always joyful to me.
I asked her if she wanted to eat something and she said she wanted ‘jajangmyeon (black bean sauce noodles).’ We left home for the good Chinese restaurant which is located within a five minute walking distance.
I asked my niece in jest while walking along the street, “Are you buying jajangmyeon today sweetie? She replied in a loud voice to my kidding, “Sure! I am buying! Aunt~I’ve got a lot of money! I will treat you!^^” She was so certain that I thought to myself she might have gotten a large allowance from someone. I wondered if that was true so I stopped walking and crouched down to ask her. “Really? then show your aunt the money.” “Sure, aunt ~ stretch forth your hand~.” It looked like she pulled something out from her pocket and she stretched out her closed hand that seemed something inside. Then she put her fist on my hand and opened slightly saying with a grin, “Here it is! Love money!!” “What?~~~ Love money??(^^) Oh! Ok, thanks,” I said to her with a smile.
She was so jubilant as if she gave me a good sum of money. She said that her love for her aunt turned into ‘Love money’ and she should be able to buy anything with that. I laughed it off as a joke but the more I thought, the more it warmed my heart. I told her, “Right. let’s eat delicious jajangmyeon and pay with this ‘Love money.’ It’s true that my sweetie 〇〇 is treating her aunt with ‘love money.’ Wow~~it’s so awesome.” I felt like I received a lot of money from my niece although nothing was given. Meanwhile, I came to this thought.
‘To God, we are like this. The only thing we can offer to God is love when he does something for us. How dare we pay his magnificent grace with material or visible things? It is only love for him, He will consider that he has enough return with that love itself. He will be delightful with that love and not spare his numerous blessings on us. Right! To GOD, only love is need to be paid. We can buy anything whatever he wants with this love money.’
The word of ‘love money’ lingered on my ear and it was the day I was determined to deposit ‘love money’ into the ‘bank of mind’ continually.
27. MY MOTHER AND A CASTELLA CAKE
My older sister went out, and she came back home with a bag in her hand like she bought something. She said yes when I hopefully asked her if she bought some snacks since I was feeling a little hungry. I swiftly pulled out the long box from the bag which she handed to me. There was a delicious-looking ‘Castella cake’ in it when I opened the box. She cut the cake into bite-sized pieces and placed them in the dish. I asked my mother who was watching TV in the living room to have some of the cake. She didn’t seem interested in at first, but when she turned her head and looked at the cake she smiled with a grin. She held the cake in her hand and started enjoying with happy look on her face. I was watching her in wonder because she was eating continuously that she can’t eat large amounts of food at one time. After eating the cake a good while, she told us this, “Castella cake is my favorite cake! I really like it. Castella cake is certainly the most delicious cake! It tastes so ~good.(ha ha)” At that moment, my older sister and my eyes met. We both tilted our heads to one side and had a quizzical look on our face. Although we’ve been living with mother for several decades, we found out for the very first time the fact that what she liked the most was the castella cake.
I bought the snacks frequently for my parents on the way back home from the work and whenever I asked mother if there was anything particular she liked to have her reply was always the same, “I have no appetite. Don’t spend your money.” When I asked her again to be sure, she used to say, “Get whatever you feel like instead because I don’t have anything special on my mind.” My mother has never asked her children to purchase something she wanted to have or desired let alone her favorite food and it’s her trait. She has been doing her best for her children within her abilities unceasingly. I was astonished at the sight she liked something so much and, moreover, I was at a loss a little bit that just a cake could make such a delighted look on her face. Because I have never seen her in that way. I was surprised at her secret that I discovered newly and at the same time I felt sorry as well. I would have bought the cake for her all the time only if I knew, but until then I just bought the snacks that I chose. On the other hand, I felt regrettable that ‘I wish she had told me that then I would have bought the castella cake which she likes so much more than enough all the time…’And then, this saying that I heard before came through my mind. “Even between lovers still need to talk. Even though the beloved one can not possibly know if you don’t say.”
I couldn’t buy her most favorite cake even once just because she didn’t tell me before. I would have bought it right away if she told me that she wanted the castella cake when she was being asked what she wanted for the snack. By saying that, I finally came to learn about one of her secrets that I didn’t know for decades. Although it may not be considered as a secret but to me the fact that she likes the castella cake was a new secret. Likewise, This thought came to my mind that I should be more mindful of expression in words to lord and also to God.
There are so many religious people who assume that God would take care of all without a specific prayer under the notion that ‘God is almighty therefore he knows everything.’ Even though it is your dearly beloved one, you can’t do it for he or she because you don’ know no matter how much time goes by but if you know you can do it right away. Even loving God He hears us only when we speak, express precisely then He answers accordingly and works on it in the most ideal way. Therefore, I felt it is absolutely true in saying that we ought to be honest, be specific and precise in speaking when we pray or talk to God.
“Even beloved one needs to hear to know, no matter how small it is can’t be known unless you say.” I realized once again how vital it is in life to express properly in words and in prayer to God and to Lord.
28. THE LESSON THAT I LEARNED FROM THE CHERRY BLOSSOM
I was on the way home after teaching an art class at the atelier. There are two routes to get home from the atelier and I felt like taking the other route today instead of the road I always take. I don’t take that road at night for safety because it is a very quiet street that pedestrians or cars hardly ever passed by. However it was not dark at all even thought it was 7:00 pm for the day gains on the light in spring. Therefore, I felt safe taking that road today and started walking.
A spring breeze was blowing which was quite cool. While I was walking the street with a hum in a upbeat mood, there was a stem of a flower on the ground right in front of me. Most of the time, only petals or tiny branch with some flower fell on the street but it was literally ‘chunky stem with full of flowers.’ It was big enough to suspect that the branch was broken off a tree by someone intentionally. It was a very beautiful ‘cherry blossom’ when I got closer to it. It was too pretty and good to be thrown on the street like that. Soon it’s going to be dark and people would step on it because of poor visibility at night which I just couldn’t let it happen so I picked the branch up. It looked like a small bouquet when I held it in my hand. It was so pretty that I snapped the picture with my cellphone immediately. And then I smelt the fragrance of a flower naturally. I felt pleasant when the subtle and sweet fragrance of the cherry blossom through the nose spreaded throughout my whole body. I walked home with a spring in my step, holding the flower tight in my hand as if it was a gift of a flowers from my lover. The feeling that the fragrance of the cherry blossom accompany me all the way home made me smile often. I got home before I was aware of it since I was walking with keep looking on the flower.
I got into my room and left it on the desk for a minute with the intention of putting it in a water bottle a little later. I was stunned when I came back to the room after a little while for changing clothes and washing my face. The sight of completely withered flower on the desk gave me goose bumps. ‘How in the world this unsightly withered flower is on the desk instead of the beautiful and fresh flower that was on a little ago? Quite literally, it was the sight of ‘dead flower.’ I was even reluctant to pick the branch up and was not able to calm myself down soon. At the moment, this thought came across my mind strongly while I was experiencing the situation like that.
‘Ah ~ Flower can be ‘live flower’ only when it is on the flowering tree without doubt. When the branch fell off the tree it looks like it is still live at that moment but it becomes a dead flower right away. Our lives are also like this. ‘Our lives are like the individual branches of the huge and magnificent tree that is ’God, Lord,’ our lives also would be dead lives the moment it fell off the tree. Just like the flower can be live and beautiful continuously only when it remains on the tree tightly, our lives would be vibrant and alive by grafting onto the tree which is ‘God, Lord.’
There was no beauty or fragrance anymore from the dead flower. Therefore I had no choice but to throw it into the trash can after all with a feeling of regret. I once again riveted the value of it deeply in my mind that how significant and vital life it is which is a life of being congenial to ‘God and Lord’ through the flower thrown in the trash can.
29. A NOTE THROWN IN THE TRASH CAN
Even when I was working hard physically, my head was crowded with thoughts of other things I was supposed to do because there was a ton of work to do. All of sudden I felt heavy and suffocated as a continuation of such a hectic life. Despite working diligently on things that were all very important, such as work related to the Lord, atelier, and personal affairs, but suddenly I became daunted as if a storm of work was about to engulf me. I felt like those things to do became a big and tall wall and blocked my way, so I turned my back on the wall and started running away abruptly. ‘Cowardly escape’, that was the avoidance of work.
I started goofing around, turning a blind eye to all of the works that were piling up next to me. I idled time away as though I had a lot of free time, but the things I should do were right there, on the spot. As the time passed by in vain, I grew nervous and checked the clock constantly. Nevertheless, I was getting lazy and still not doing the work, and instead I did something else in order to forget those works for a little while. I walked back and forth between the living room and the kitchen, uncertain what to do.
I took snacks out of the refrigerator to eat frequently, lying down on the bed fiddling with my cell phone. I even tried to take a nap. I was lying still with eyes closed even though I could not sleep soundly due to anxiety. I was getting irritated because I couldn’t pray properly, for I had a hard time praying resulting from my behavior in that way without change. I felt so ashamed of myself being stuck in that situation. I finally reached the point where I couldn’t go on like that any longer. Therefore, I was getting down to belated works one by one with determination. I got those works done related to the Lord, postponed painting jobs and other important things needing to be taken care of, so many various works I did unceasingly. I kept working with complete concentration, sitting in my chair without any breaks or pauses. One of my habits is that I write down the lists of all the things I have to do on a big memo pad, and I underline it with a pink marker after it has been done. I cheerfully throw the memo into the trash can after all the lists are underlined with the pink marker.
Then, I prepare a new scrap paper that will be written on with a new to-do list. I made a list of things to do that were postponed and worked on them with concentration for a few days. As a result, all the items on the list were underlined with pink marker, and it was thrown into the trash can pleasingly. I felt so refreshed when I watched the scrap paper dive into the trash can. I felt being pathetic, and I was ashamed of myself during the time I didn’t do my work and instead goofed off. After I completed the works that I supposed to do, I felt so proud, and my conscience was clear. I pondered on the word ‘practice’ once again after I went through all this. It made me realize one more time how important practice is because you earn what you deserve and you achieve what you have aimed for by carrying it out.
I gave deep thought to the fact that ‘spiritual practice’ was like this. You may think it would be much easier if you slack off the various works for faith, prayer, and words of scripture, but that’s not the case. It came to me that by not doing your work your spirit suffers a loss and by laziness in faith your spirit becomes poor.
Those works you didn’t carry out are like the dirty dishes filled in the sink for a few days, and they will not be worked out on their own, only spreading the stench of life over time. It certainly came to my mind that God and the Lord wouldn’t be able to come near us if we stink with the foul smell of the laziness by not doing the work of faith, just like people wouldn’t go near the smelly place. The trouble of carrying it out is much better than the humiliation of not carrying it out. Those who work hard are people of sound mind and of integrity therefore they are sure to succeed both in this physical world and in the spiritual world, thus I felt strongly that God would be there more for those who put it into practice.
30. THE KING OF INDIVIDUALITY, THE KING OF TALENTS
While having dinner with my family, I saw a scene about interviewing a singer on TV. That singer is a popular singer with slow and sweet songs. He looks impressive with peaceful facial expressions and is always a plain-dressed singer who sings with guitar accompaniment. That’s why he’s popular with from young generations to old generations. His songs are easy and comfortable to sing along with for many because there are few high-pitched notes in his songs. He seems to feel content and happy with his songs without trying to get more popularities. His voice is as sweet and low as whispering and there was absolutely nothing that bothered to my ears. The lyrics in his songs are mostly about the beauty of Nature, which are far away from provocative or erotic lyrics. So his songs naturally remind us of beautiful seas and flowers. He is a talented singer-songwriter who even sings with his own playing the guitar.
The interviewer asked the singer. “I wonder why there’re no high-pitched notes in your songs.” “I don’t sing high-pitched. Because…(For a moment he dropped his head and raised it again smiling and said…)“I’m not good at high-pitched songs. I just do what I do well. Why should I do things I’m not that good at?(^^)” His answer was clear. Nonetheless, the reporter asked him to sing scales from Do~ to check how many octaves he could go up to.
So the singer started by the reporter’s order and with going too far, his voice got hoarse and sounded awkward. He stopped there and laughed loudly saying “never let me do it again!”
The reporter asked again. “If then, you don’t plan to sing high-pitched songs in the future either?” “Of course not, I don’t want to waste time doing things I’m not talented in. I’m short of time even singing my favorites which I’m good at. His answer with a confident and bright smile looked awesome. At that moment, his saying reminded me of the words which I often heard from my pastor. It’s about the king of individuality. Ears are the king of hearing. Nose is the king of smelling. If you develop your own individualities God gave well, they become amazing talents. With the way flowers, seas and trees exist with their own beauties, the world becomes a beautiful and harmonious world. Even if the sea is amazingly gorgeous, with only the sea it can’t become harmonious. Even if flowers are the most beautiful, imagine if there’re only flowers in this world. That can make the world tiresome and unattractive.
We often feel envy and jealous about others thinking why I can’t be like that, even we have our own amazing individuality or talents. We do have ‘our own individualities’ which nobody has. My mentor pastor says that Each person has their own individualities which nobody has. The world ranks the first, the second and the third. However in the world of faith, everyone can be the first and the king in their own individualities. Kings of talents! The world has just only one king but all of us can be the king in our own talents and individualities. Even I wondered with what I can be the king of my own? What I do well the most? Ah~ I’ll be the world-wide painter to testify for the Lord with my paintings. So I resolved my mind to live a happy life giving glory to the God.