16. Whether I’m aware of it or not, it is because of love…
17. An Angel Fish
18. A bug that became the ants’ meal
19. A touching story of the number 777
20. “It’s no longer the problem if you get out of it.”
16. WHETHER I’M AWARE OF IT OR NOT, IT IS BECUASE OF LOVE
After I had dinner, I was working frantically in front of a computer, and soon it was time to go to the yoga center. Nowadays, I couldn’t go there often so if I didn’t go even today, I would feel like my body would become hardened. That’s why I changed myself into exercise clothes in a hurry. I rushed hectically because the starting time for the Yoga class was soon approaching.
Before I left home, I stopped by the bathroom and I heard the buzzing sound of two mosquitoes in the bathroom. The mosquitoes were not seen but I heard the sound, so I perked up my ears to know where the sound came from. Even though I had to go the Yoga center quickly because it was late, I could not allow myself to just go because of the mosquitoes. The reason why was because my mom was sleeping in the living room, and there was no way the mosquitoes would leave my mom alone if I just left. Mom is bitten by mosquitoes particularly well, so I surely had to catch the mosquitoes even if it mean missing my exercise. My heart was pressed but I waited for the mosquitoes calmly, and I caught one of them with my palm by hitting it immediately when it was seen. Bang!!!. Since I waited for a while, I started to hear the buzzing sound again and I followed that sound, and saw that one mosquito was stuck on the wall of the bathtub. With my full concentration, in which I thought that I should not fail, I caught it with my palm by striking it with all my might. I do not know from whom it had sucked and ate blood like that, but red blood stained a lot around the dead mosquito. I killed every mosquito, opened the bathroom door and went out and mom was sleeping deeply. Mom’s image looked like a baby in that moment and I felt a sense of relief ‘It is fortunate that I protected mom’. Due to the mosquitoes, I couldn’t exercise properly because it was late, but my mind was truly at ease.
The next day, I asked mom to whether she slept well or not without getting bitten by the mosquitoes and she said that she slept comfortably. I smiled satisfied with myself. At that moment, unexpectedly, the realization surged into me like this. ‘The Lord also was doing like this for me until now. Whether I am aware of it or not, He protected me silently from Satans, various kinds of harm and difficulties. When it comes to people, when a person does things for you, they are busy boasting about them self even it is something small. However, even if the Lord gives us a lot of things, He does not say one by one what He has done for us. Also, I bet He only smiles with happiness by Himself in which He kept the beloved ones.’
While shedding tears in my mind, I offered a prayer of thanksgiving because I was so grateful for that love. “The Lord! Whether I know it or not, I am really thankful for loving me always, protecting me and watching over me. Even though I cannot express everything one by one, because I cannot realize them all, but I am still grateful and thankful because I believe in that love through which you took action because you love me.”
It was the day that my mind was so moved while overlapping the image of me catching mosquitoes by myself desperately, that were aiming at mom while she was sleeping comfortably in the living room, with the image of the Lord who protects me.
17. AN ANGEL FISH
I have a lovely 8 year old niece. She is the niece for whom I had deep fondness because we have lived in the same neighborhood and I’ve taken care of her a lot ever since she was a baby. One day, that niece drew close to me and talked with a sulky facial expression. Aunt… I am so sad. (Why?) A tropical fish in my house died. (A fish? Which fish?)
I have a small aquarium which my dad brought into our house. We raised a few tropical fish, but among them one fish was sick. There is a place that the air bubbles come out, but the fish got injured because the end part of its tail got stuck there. It couldn’t move well due to having constant pain. After I woke up in the morning and went to see, it died. I am so sad aunt. By the way, aunt~ there was always an angel fish next to that fish. The angel fish helped it until the end of the time the sick fish died. At the moment I truly wondered how the angel fish could help the sick fish. Even though children’s words seem simple, after you listened to them and see, your head bows down at the one sentence that they said in many cases. It is because there are many times deep and pure thoughts in those words, which adults could not yet think. I asked with excitement what kinds of words she is going to say.
(Can you tell me how the angel fish helped it?) Ah, the sick fish could not move because of its injuries and groaned due to pain. However, the angel fish did not leave the side of the sick fish and stayed together with it. (Did you think that being together means helping? So, did you name him the angel fish?) Yes~
They seemed to be very simple words, but I had a lump in my heart. And at the same time, I also thought about meaning of helping again. Even though it is not substantial help, if you are together always, next to the side of others with a truthful heart, just being there itself is a great help. However, as I grow older, I also realize that I was perceiving at first, that only definite and substantial assistance are help which is visible.
I always pray that I would like to become a great help to God and the Lord. Even if I am praying like that, when I look at myself, the fact I could not do more work properly made me reprimand myself saying ‘why can’t I do more work even though I love the Lord?’ I realized that there are many times when I stepped backward even to the Lord who is standing in front of me, because I felt that I was a sinner. Additionally, I repented that even if I did His work because I love the Lord, if I was engrossed in Heaven’s work itself, I made the Lord feel lonely many times.
Diligently doing the work of the Lord is good, but paying attention to the heart of the Lord and lending my ears to His words, thus conversing with love all the time and being together with Him, might be the help the Lord wants the most from us. While thinking about it, I made a determination to also be the angel fish who stays next to the Lord until the end.
18. A BUG THAT BECAME THE ANTS’ MEAL
After I finished an art studio class, I went to the park which is located in the neighborhood because both my heart and head were heavy. Originally, since I like keeping busy at work, normally I had not complained that it was hard. The thoughts like weeds started to come up since it was so hard, to the point I could not handle it by myself. ‘Can I not just live leisurely a little bit, like others? Other people take a long rest at home after work and if they want, they also go traveling to their hearts content. Also, many fun events exist, too. How come my life seems to have no room for me to even breathe like this? I wish to take a rest for couple days while doing nothing, sleeping and eating only! Whoosh…’ I had to run the art studio for the sake of my family and my personal finances, and since I had so much of Heaven’s work that I should do, my body got tired more and more, and weak thoughts came into my mind because I lived in a state of tension all the time.
In fact, I am thankful to God for the precious work of heaven that God entrusted to me, who is lacking. Also, I am grateful to God for enabling me to live more diligently, and not dwell in a comfortable reality, because I am not rich. However, the tiredness and tension were piled up to my throat and it became a situation that was about to explode, so bad thoughts came up. I disliked myself for being like that and felt pathetic because I felt sorry to the Lord, and I was only walking silently without a word. Thanksgiving and grumbling kept fighting each other in my heart. If I complained alone, it seemed like feeling relieved, at least inside, so I started to grumble again in my heart. ‘How can a man live like this every day, not even for one or two days? People said, ‘A life like a squirrel on a wheel’ and that seems like my life exactly. Even if a squirrel runs diligently inside a wheel, it remains in the same place, and my life is just like that. Except for the day I go to church, I feel frustrated because I spend almost all day long in my room, which is a workroom, or in my art studio.’
Satisfaction is big, but living a different life than my tendency that I like is ‘transformation, something new, new places’ in order to fulfill ‘God’s will’ sometimes, gives me difficulty. Because of my condition like this, I felt sorry to the Lord, and I could not dare to say a word and was trying to soothe my heart on my own. Something was seen right in front, on the soiled street, and I looked in detail. It was countless ants adhered to a bug which they were trying to eat, a bug which had died. The bug was bigger than dozens of ants and it became a meal for the ants due to its death, and it seemed miserable. At that moment, a realization came into my heart as if a thunder struck with a thump~.
‘Even though it is hard, how great it is living and existing while shining our own light? A bug is supposed to hop around amongst the grass, healthfully, and should be happy to end up giving its body as a meal to the ants in the end, because of death. Ah~As for a man that lives with thoughts, however, what’s different between my thoughts that I don’t want do anything because it is hard, and thinking that I’d be better off as a corpse that can’t feel anything? As for a man, he must have living thoughts and living actions. Then, will it be true living…’
I prayed always that I‘d like to testify for Heaven greatly by becoming ‘a king of uniqueness’
with my talents. God has tried to fulfill that dream more in a great way and has led me to actualize more diligently, but I came to reflect on myself deeply, about how many erroneous and dead thoughts I had. These were stupid thoughts of wanting to take a rest comfortably, and physically not do anything because it is hard. Since that day, whenever feeble thoughts come up in an instant, thinking of that scene, I raise my heart and reprimand myself, saying to myself, ‘if thoughts and actions are dead, it will be like that!’
19. A TOUCHING STORY OF THE NUMBER 777
In the midst of continuing ordeals, the problem that I had never expected broke out on that day finally. I was so dumbfounded that I felt numb with shock for a while and after all I collapsed on the floor in my room and started crying. I was sobbing in the thought that ‘How in the world could so many different ordeals rush in simultaneously like this? Is this possible anyhow?’ Then, all of sudden I felt the holy spirit’s inspiration in my mind. “Be thankful~~~” I was inclined to deny the voice in doubt that ‘be thankful under this situation?’
But at the moment, I remembered what the minister who is also my mentor said before “The true gratitude is that you are thankful even when the situation makes you unable to be thankful.” Right away, the Holy Spirit told me again. “Give 77 thanks to God everyday for 77 days.” I kneeled down immediately and gave 77 thanks when I heard his calm and tender voice. I was not off to a good start due to the state of my mind but the thanks I gave to God were genuine.
I gave 77 thanks to God everyday whether it was a tough day or not from that day on. In the meantime, I could remember all the memories that Heaven had been working on me precisely. Therefore, I was truly thankful to God for all of them. He created me into the world, gave me the heart to love him, tied me with loving and caring parents, gave me talent for drawing and so on. I felt like I found the hidden treasures under the ground when I found the new reasons to give thanks to God everyday. My heart was healing gradually and became peaceful as time went by. And the last day of the conditional prayer was approaching.
On the day 75, I got the locker room key from the yoga institute staff and the number was 7! I felt good with that ‘it’s lucky 7.~’ Next day, on the day 76, I was stunned after looking at the key that yoga staff gave me. It was the number 7 again. I wondered ‘Yesterday key was number 7 and today 7 again? Is there any meaning?’ It was so wondrous that I smiled and prayed at that moments… ‘God, this is really mysterious. There’s no way and yet, may I assume it as the sign that in the future You are going to bless me abundantly in case I get the number 7 key again tomorrow? The chances are slim but if that happens I will believe so unquestioningly!’
Finally the last day of the conditional prayer, the day 77 came. I usually go to the public bath on the weekend but I felt like going there that day which was in the week. I went there right after teaching the art class and all the works for the Heaven since the morning. I was too tired to go to yoga lesson so I wanted to soak my body in hot water to dissipate my fatigue. I was taken aback at the moment I got the changing room key casually as soon as I got there. It was the number 7 key. There were about 550 locker room keys and number 7 key among so many numbers~!! I had forgotten about it completely but the key reminded me clearly about the prayer that I said. On top of it, the key looked exactly the same shape as the key of the yoga institute. I took the photo of the key on my cell phone to monumentalize this incident.
Last 3 days in 77 days of the conditional prayer show 7! 7! 7! Sequentially… I was overcome with emotion for I was convinced He made it known to me through nature revelation that He answered to my prayer. My Love for God has grown deeper by building an altar of gratitude despite the situation that I couldn’t be thankful and there were many surprising changes in my spirit too. I felt great joy and even ecstatic since He revealed ‘the blessed response’ that I didn’t expect although I had already received His magnificent blessing which can not be purchased with money.
My heart was pounded with excitement and the overflowing joy didn’t go away even after I came home. However, it was time for bed so I looked at the picture again lying down on my bed. I shouted for joy again at the moment I looked at it. Because I could see the small number under the bar code then I only saw the large number 7 before. The last part of many small size numbers under the barcode was… They were in fact! 0777…
20. “IT’S NO LONGER THE PROBLEM IF YOU GET OUT OF IT”
We all have one or two of our own incorrigible, inappropriate habits. People kick themselves or suffer from those habits that are hard to correct no matter how much you try. I have a trivial but stubborn habit. My odd habit is When I get a single pimple on my face, I just have to touch it constantly and squeeze it out until it gets worse and then I regret right away. I feel more distressed afterward since I become conscious of the irritated face and look in the mirror more often.
I didn’t have this habit before but a few years ago when I was working on the video “a trip to hell.” I was seriously ill and toxic acnes were all over on my face for two years.
Since then, I picked up this habit. It was a very strong mental blow to me whomever I met used to ask me what happened to my face with pity since my face skin had changed completely all of sudden and besides, I didn’t have even one acne when I was an adolescent girl and used to get a lot of compliment for the beautiful skin. Now it’s all gone but because of that terrible, frustrated memory, I started having a repeating pattern to touch and squeeze it out even a single acne on my face in fear that it might come back again.
A few days ago, I made it worse again by pulling the scab off the boil too early after applied the ointment when a big pimple broke out. I couldn’t stop thinking about this acne so I kept repeating looking in the mirror and went back to drawing after a minute. I looked pathetic and distracted even to my eyes. One day, I finally called for the Holy Spirit who is sensitive because I felt that I shouldn’t go on like that any longer. “Holy Spirit! You agree that I look so pathetic? I do want to fix this but I can’t. I am really distressed. Could you please straighten me up?” Then, I could hear the clear voice in my mind.
“It will not be the problem if you get out of that problem. Don’t be stuck in there but get out. That’s the way you can get over it.” I was in deep shock when I heard this voice and I replied “Amen” with complete acknowledgment. Since then, I could concentrate on drawing without being mindful about my pimpled face whatsoever. A few days later I looked in the mirror while I was washing my face, all of sudden those dermatitis were gone and healed. After that, there was another pimple broke out but it disappeared soon after I let it alone with the ointment on it. I was amazed at my self that I was no longer conscious of that problem which I couldn’t get over no matter how much I tried. Since then, due to feeling at ease there’s no more pimples and my face was getting cleaner. I was enlightened through the Holy Spirit’s instructions, ‘broad mind to overcome big or small difficulties.’
People are prone to worry and concern a lot over trivial matters. They cause themselves in agony by stuck in the problem which is not that serious but consider it as a huge problem. Most of the problems are actually not the problems in many cases, they are just in people’s heads. In another words, it seems like the problem but the fact is, many cases are not worth worrying about that much. If it’s the real serious problem to resolve, instead of being stuck in there struggling, get out of the problem, overcome your anxiety by praying to our Lord and then solve it spiritually, physically. By doing so, you will have the strength and wisdom to tackle the problem better, all situations will take a favorable turn.